Floating

I approached the Dead Sea with much trepidation. I had waited for Chana to leave the beach and return to our room before I took my dip so that I could go in slowly alone, and there wouldn't be any credible witnesses as to my comical lack of fortitude.

I really don't know how to swim, I thought. And, though the salt content of this body of water was so high it would - it was "rumored" - allow even the most unskilled at the art of buoyancy to succeed, I guess there was part of me that wasn't completely buying it. I thought perhaps I'd be the one exception - a footnote that would find its way into a geology textbook someday.

As a child I nearly drowned in a pool, after being told - in response to my plea that I couldn't swim - that all I needed to do was kick my legs to stay afloat. It didn't work. I let go of the side, and I kicked and kicked and kicked, but promptly descended directly to the bottom. If not for my friend - who reached down, grabbed my hand, and pulled me up....

Until I met Chana, I was quite skeptical about ever finding that one true love (my beshert) - of falling in love and spending the rest of my life with her. I had indeed been in-love, but there was always something missing. I guess I thought that, when it came to marriage, maybe I just didn't have what it took. Though I've always had close friends, and would never be described as a ''loner", there was, to be certain, a certain side of me, like my dad - introspective, independent, with rich inner-life that just seemed, at times, incompatible with spending the rest of my life with another person.

Prior to making Aliyah, friends expressed a confidence that I would find ''her'' in Israel. That, there was where my destiny awaited. And, sure, part of me wanted to believe it, but, at the same time, I never truly accepted it. I didn't completely buy it.

But Chana was different than anyone I had ever known. Though she was more religious than I, considerably younger, and from another part of the world, after only a few weeks, and several incredible dates, I just ''knew'' her. A few weeks later we had fallen in love.

As a couple we simply "worked". She was warm, attractive, loving, and just plain decent. The fact is that Chana is perhaps the most genuine and sincere person I had ever known and when she smiles, well, its as if her soul is simply radiating joy. I had no doubts about who she was inside. There was no dark side artfully hidden from the surface. In Chana I had finally met my beshert.

And yet, there was still a tiny part of me which held on to old notions - held hostage by that irrational fear that it couldn't possibly be real, that my soul would somehow not abide by the stubborn and immutable laws of true love.

I slowly went into the water. First, I stood there, with the water covering only my feet, looking out towards the sea. I spent a few minutes enjoying the site of others around me effortlessly floating. They had no doubts.

It took another 20 minutes of just standing there before I finally summoned the courage to close my eyes and fall backwards. Miraculously, my body, indeed all of me, was gently resting on top of the water.

I had achieved buoyancy.

Though I was only in the Dead Sea for a few minutes, I'm still floating, and no longer have any doubts.

Chana and I are to marry next month.