About Me

Friday, February 19, 2010

Floating

I approached the Dead Sea with much trepidation. I had waited for Chana to leave the beach and return to our room before I took my dip so that I could go in slowly alone, and there wouldn't be any credible witnesses as to my comical lack of fortitude.

I really don't know how to swim, I thought. And, though the salt content of this body of water was so high it would - it was "rumored" - allow even the most unskilled at the art of buoyancy to succeed, I guess there was part of me that wasn't completely buying it. I thought perhaps I'd be the one exception - a footnote that would find its way into a geology textbook someday.

As a child I nearly drowned in a pool, after being told - in response to my plea that I couldn't swim - that all I needed to do was kick my legs to stay afloat. It didn't work. I let go of the side, and I kicked and kicked and kicked, but promptly descended directly to the bottom. If not for my friend - who reached down, grabbed my hand, and pulled me up....


Until I met Chana, I was quite skeptical about ever finding that one true love (my beshert) - of falling in love and spending the rest of my life with her. I had indeed been in-love, but there was always something missing. I guess I thought that, when it came to marriage, maybe I just didn't have what it took. Though I've always had close friends, and would never be described as a ''loner", there was, to be certain, a certain side of me, like my dad - introspective, independent, with rich inner-life that just seemed, at times, incompatible with spending the rest of my life with another person.

Prior to making Aliyah, friends expressed a confidence that I would find ''her'' in Israel. That, there was where my destiny awaited. And, sure, part of me wanted to believe it, but, at the same time, I never truly accepted it. I didn't completely buy it.

But Chana was different than anyone I had ever known. Though she was more religious than I, considerably younger, and from another part of the world, after only a few weeks, and several incredible dates, I just ''knew'' her. A few weeks later we had fallen in love.

As a couple we simply "worked". She was warm, attractive, loving, and just plain decent. The fact is that Chana is perhaps the most genuine and sincere person I had ever known and when she smiles, well, its as if her soul is simply radiating joy. I had no doubts about who she was inside. There was no dark side artfully hidden from the surface. In Chana I had finally met my beshert.

And yet, there was still a tiny part of me which held on to old notions - held hostage by that irrational fear that it couldn't possibly be real, that my soul would somehow not abide by the stubborn and immutable laws of true love.

I slowly went into the water. First, I stood there, with the water covering only my feet, looking out towards the sea. I spent a few minutes enjoying the site of others around me effortlessly floating. They had no doubts.

It took another 20 minutes of just standing there before I finally summoned the courage to close my eyes and fall backwards. Miraculously, my body, indeed all of me, was gently resting on top of the water.

I had achieved buoyancy.

Though I was only in the Dead Sea for a few minutes, I'm still floating, and no longer have any doubts.

Chana and I are to marry next month.

2 comments:

Ann said...

Mazel Tov Adam - may you and Chana continue to 'float' on cloud 9 for many years to come and may you be blessed with many happy, healthy, successful and fruitful years together in your ' bayit ne'eman be'yisrael'

Anonymous said...

To Dearest Adam,
I am the most proud, soon to be, mother in law once your marriage takes place on the 18th March. Together I pray that you and Chana will share a life of bliss, being soul mates, without any doubt, being the best of friends, your loving, caring and sincere nature, spoke volumes, not only in this blog, however from the very beginning. May your lives together be one of pure joy, peace in our land of Israel, infinite love, kindness, and faithfulness. May your & Chana's humility remain forever staying as you are to this very day. May Hashem Bless you both with everything you would want for yourselves.
With All my love, hugs, kisses & Abundant Blessings forever,
Felicity

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